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[17 Dec 2009|12:14am]

warm, so heavy they lie
on sheets.
I love the way you looked
under natural sunlight
eating gushers on swings.
my mother rubbed those hands
to sleep
those hands on arms that
hugged me like a brother.

I miss you already and I love you I promise I did.

We'll see one another again.
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[17 Apr 2009|11:10pm]
I appreciate life.

It seems so short until you sit and think of all the different experiences you've had.

Simply, it's beautiful.

moles like constellations
a big dipper on his thin young arm.
without ever having to run her hands over life’s beauty marks,
she felt for him
in the dark, alone in bed.
with the cliché season change,
life rewired the electrons in her brain.
when she began growing her own food,
they came to the mutual decision that
while they once held hands,
their starry eyes were clouded; and besides,
stomach to stomach just didn’t feel right.

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[08 Apr 2009|10:19am]
I have only 2 weeks left of my sophomore year. What am I going to do without school? When I have no one left to push me to learn, no papers to write, no grades to stress over, no parties to say no or yes to...it is going to be a milestone, completing college. I think it deserves something huge, something to celebrate the end of my learning and the beginning of, what, my life? No. I have been and am living my life. There is no such thing as the "real world." I am IN the real world. I live and breathe and cry and laugh and run and work and sweat in the real world.

I don't want to get older.

When I was young and couldn't sleep, I would sit in the bathroom upstairs with the lights on dim and cry on the floor because I didn't want to grow up. I didn't want anyone to console me. I was only probably 8 or 10 then, but nothing's different now. I just don't have my own bathroom to cry in anymore.
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[22 Mar 2009|11:28pm]
I want to find an internship so badly. I want it, I want it almost more than anything school related I've ever wanted in my life. I've been researching, and there's this small part of me that tells me there's no way an internship is ever going to work out -- I want to rip out this small part and beat it to death. I'm going to do it.

I'm really afraid that I don't have enough "experience" in the field I want to enter to be able to get an internship. But I'm so willing to learn! I will do anything! I want to write over my resume in hot pink highlighter that I may not have the experience, but I have the motivation, the WANT.

Oh please please please let everything work out.
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[17 Mar 2009|03:35pm]
life is so much more than SCHOOL

so get over it.
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[19 Feb 2009|11:37pm]
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[09 Feb 2009|12:41am]
made for a boss, solely a boss.
miss independent, anything else, get lost.

don't worry, I got it.
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[03 Feb 2009|09:59pm]
I've never taken on so many things at once.

I'm worn out.

Stay happy, stay healthy. It will pay off.
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[09 Jan 2009|12:00am]

work out 5 days a week
get good grades
still have friends
wear deodorant
look great feel great be great

I have the best friend ever.
wake up, slacker. it's go time.
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[01 Jan 2009|09:19pm]
I like resolutions, and lists. Combining them both seems fun.

01. Learn to play Rachmaninov's Prelude in C Sharp Minor, entirely
02. Write 50 pages [in Word] of a novel
03. Keep a written journal and write it in at least five times a month
04. Cook intense, healthy, vegetarian meals
05. Exercise twice weekly, preferably more
06. Finish the Bible
07. Camp for five days
08. Leave the state
09. Spend more time at the school's library
10. Send a postcard to PostSecret
11. Take an exercise class
12. Bikeride until my legs give out
13. Have a picnic
14. Give Blood
15. Get a 3.5 in a semester at school
16. See a hardcore show
17. Wear more scarves

I hope to become a happier person with each year, which I believe I've done for past couple years.
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[22 Dec 2008|08:55pm]
I'm almost 20 years old, and I will never stand for being talked down to for no reason. I used to take that shit as a kid, but I am an adult, and will kindly remove myself from your shitty life if you try and bring me down to your level.

I saw my cousins for the first time in about three months today, and they look more grown up than before. But, I hate my Aunt more than I like my cousins. So I guess I won't be seeing them for awhile. Hopefully they won't come around on Christmas.
Too bad they live down the street.

I usually don't hold grudges, but I do against her. Really bad.

Everyone, including me, sucks.
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[15 Dec 2008|07:54pm]
I am seriously crazy
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[27 Nov 2008|11:56am]
I am alone, he thinks, but his stomach is full
Finally, the deep dark hole, immersed in salty water
Legs stick off the edge of the bed
Long, slender, feet with high arches
The beds here are too short for love.
Breakfast alone is still breakfast, still filling
Fiber coats the smaller intestines,
Hugging and satisfying nerve endings.
He doesn’t hear her when she talks to herself in the kitchen,
Stirring stained pots with melted spoons.
Without her feet padding around the table,
Her soft hands opening and closing the empty refrigerator,
He dreams only in grey.

im back
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[23 Nov 2008|02:18pm]
we push and pull
something someday will fit.
people are selfish,
you must learn to live for yourself.
do what is right
for what you want
out of life.

this too shall pass.
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[15 Nov 2008|02:03am]
bad things:
my roommates are bitches! (minus you, stephanie)
my period hates me
I have so many books to read
I miss FJACK
someones feet smell, right now....ugh

good things:
I have a boyfriend!
I have great friends that I looooooove
I parked in a reallllly hard spot
I kicked the car next to me because it was his fault it was so hard.
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[06 Nov 2008|04:10pm]
I need to grow up.
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[04 Nov 2008|12:55am]
lace up your shoes,
heres how we do.
run baby, run.

I'm so excited for this weekend. Gotta see my lover, and where she poops?

Lately, I feel like I'm making decisions for me.
But still I realize I'm too easily swayed by life situations. I get happy too easy.
Not sure if thats a bad thing, but for right now, I'm not going to care.
The letting down part sucks, but the happy part is nice.

Wow, I honestly suck at accurately expressing myself without sounding stupid.
To Do: work on this.
drink more water.
write this essay.
stop procrastinating.
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[29 Oct 2008|11:57am]

pick a topic
write a sentence
ask forgiveness,
then repentance

make a rhyme
but make it backwards
take your time
it won't be read.
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[23 Oct 2008|10:38am]
I have tried to get in the heads
of those who write great things.
I've tried to shorten my legs
to fit in small places
to crush my thoughts
what I want to say, it's all been said.
the circles are smaller
than I thought,
and that's the problem,
in its entirety.
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[16 Oct 2008|01:14pm]
I hope this isn't just another one of those things. I think I'm ready for it, after awhile of complete commitment rejection. We'll see we'll see we'll see. It's gonna drive me crazy till we see. And probably during and after as well. When will I not be going crazy, honestly.
Spanish time!
I need to get back to writing...it will make me feel better no matter what happens.

In the meantime, cheers.
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